The Death of a Complex – Original ACEO Miniature Oil Painting
The Death of a Complex – Original ACEO Miniature Oil Painting
The Death of a Complex
On a balmy spring day in 1970, at a school assembly at St. Dorothy's Catholic School in Glendora, California, a seven-year-old girl received an award for being perfect at something.
Attendance.
She had nothing to do with it, of course. She just did as she was told, got in the car, and ended up at school. Technically, this award belongs to her mom — at that time, a functioning barbiturate abuser and alcoholic, carrying around the massive weight of an unlived life.
Nevertheless, it became a harbinger. The first dangling carrot in a long line of dangling carrots she would chase for decades — like a hungry greyhound running around a track, performing robotically for the benefit of others.
That is, until she finally understood what she was actually doing.
Perfectionism is a trauma response. It shows up alongside its evil twin, people-pleasing, and an unconscious compulsion to control absolutely everything — when you grow up in a chaotic environment and have been conditioned into terror of making a mistake, for fear of accidentally activating the barely-controlled rage of two extremely narcissistic, alcoholic, pill-popping parents.
I found this award a few weeks ago. It’s approximately 55 years old. I have no idea how it survived all the moves and losses of my life. I look at it as synchronicity — I knew exactly what it represented the moment it showed up.
So I painted it.
And then, as an act of pure rebellion, I walked away from this painting even though I knew the tiny mistake in it would trigger some people.
It would have triggered me too, once.
Not anymore.
This is what the death of a complex looks like. Small. Quiet. Painted in oils on a 2.5” x 3.5” card. Framed and finished and done.
I choose myself.
Original ACEO miniature painting · Oil on card · 2.5" x 3.5"
Available unframed or framed in your choice of size and color. All framed works include acid-free archival quality matting in Gallery White, acid-free backing board, UV protecting crystal clear plexiglass, and a sawtooth hanger. Framing suggestions shown are personally curated by the artist.